Oh, dogs. Yeah, I like dags…
…but not when they shit everywhere.
Normally, the beginning of the day goes by without incident. I collect a paycheck, but have no work to speak of, so my days are filled with boredom and cigarettes. On any given morning I wake up, piss, and go outside for a smoke. This morning was a bit different.
I sit on the steps, slightly hungover, and enjoying the first smoke of the day. Across the street there is an old woman walking her dog. It’s a black lab from the looks of it. You can hear the dogs inside barking insanely at the audacity of this dog being outside.
The pair are now directly across from me. The woman holds a plastic bag, ostensibly to hold the dropped-off cosbys. A door bangs down the street, and another of the myriad elderly neighbors emerges.
“Hey lady! Hey!” Lady and dog stop mid-stride and turn.
“What?!”
“Your dog pooped on my sidewalk! You didn’t clean it up!”
“Ohmygod, I must have forgot! I’m so sorry!”
Now, one would think the story ends here. The offending party walks back to the crime scene and cleans up. Not so. Here’s the conversation and ensuing fireworks.
Lady: “My dog didn’t do this. These turds are tiny. My dog takes bigger poops.”
Neighbor: “Yes he did! I saw him do it.”
Lady: “He did not! If he did do it, I would clean it up, but it’s not his, so I won’t!”
I really want the conversation to go further because I’m thoroughly amused at this point, and idly wondering whether these are the kinds of things I’ll be arguing about when I’m in my in my sixties. Alas, it is not to be.
There are at least two yap dogs barking frantically inside neighbor’s house. Black lab starts to retort, and lady loses her hold on the leash. Screen doors can be a comic prop. Enough to let a cool breeze in, but not enough to keep an agitated black lab out. Lab runs and launches itself through the screen door. Various barks and yelps emerge, and the two elders run inside, retrieve their respective pets and start back out, with little damage done from what I can see, besides the screen door, of course.
Lady apologizes, reaches into her purse and pulls out some payoff money, obviously for the door. She walks away and resumes her trek. Across the street I hear a door slam. Out of curiosity, I get up, walk down the sidewalk and take a look.
The poop was still there.
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